Authority, Crowns and Camo Hats

For Brent, the conversation came up out of no where.
I stood staring at the bathroom mirror.  Curling one tiny strand of hair at a time, I talked to the Lord and listened.  He had been stirring my spirit for days.  Curl after curl, I replayed each scenario in my mind. My most recent not-so-great-wife moments.
Listening back I could hear it…my words creating disorder in my own home.
Brent walked through the bathroom door and into our closet, laying a pair of gym shoes on the floor.
I looked at him through the mirror, “Babe, I owe you an apology.”
He stood up.  “For what?”
“Recently, my eyes have been opened to how often I rob you of authority in front of the kids.”
Twirling strands of hair around my iron, I went on.
“When you are home, I want the boys to know that Daddy is home.  God has appointed you as the head of our family and when it comes to the kids, I rob your voice of its authority.  And what I say is nothing huge or greatly disrespectful.  It is the little things.  For example, yesterday after dinner the boys asked if they could go outside and play.  And in the middle of you giving them permission, I interjected and said to them, ‘No you all need to go upstairs and finish cleaning the playroom.’  I did not allow your instruction to hold weight.”
Brent smiled.  “I think you are being too hard on yourself.”
“No, I am serious.  Earlier I stopped you when you gave them a Popsicle. I even know when I do it!  I want the boys to hear your “no be no” and your “yes be yes”.  I want to play a supportive role to you in everything.  If I am not submitting to you then what am I teaching them?  To argue authority?  I don’t want that.  When you are home, I want them to see you as the head of our family.  God put things in this order.”
As a mom, isn’t it difficult to make this transition?  All day long, it is just me and the kids.  I give instruction. I call them for meals.  I referee disputes.  I tell them where to be and at what time. I am in charge.
But when daddy’s home, things shift.  Authority shifts.  Brent and I then become a team, yet he serves as coach.
But hear me now {sassy finger wagging}. What I am not saying is – “Ladies, we are to be quiet doormats in our homes.  We have no voice.  Let us be seen and not heard.”
Absolutely not.  That is not it at all.  But what the Lord is saying to me is, “Becky, be an example of honor and respect.  Don’t just tell your boys to honor their authority, be an example.  Show them the God-ordained order of a Christian home.  Encourage your husband in his manhood.  Love him well by respecting him well.
My parents fought – loud, proud and a lot.  My mama wore the pants, no doubt.  I refuse to allow my boys to grow up under this same model. When I disagree with Brent, I can (and usually will) express my opinion in a respectful way…but not in the presence of my children.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.  Proverbs 12:4
The excellent wife is a woman of good character, a helper to her man, one who brings him public honor. But the place I must practice public honor is in the privacy of my own home.  With my audience of three.
I pray my sons will grow up desiring an excellent wife of good, godly character.  A character in which they watched their own mother live out.
I pray their wife will be a beautiful crown, not a camouflage hat.
Brent smiled, “Well, I accept your apology.”
And with an overly macho voice and a silly smirk, Brent stood extra tall and said, “But don’t let it happen again now woman.”
{He’s a mess – grin}
Lord, thank you for your gentle conviction and allowing me to see a small crack in what could become large break.  Help me to show honor and respect to Brent, all of the time, but especially in the presence of our boys.  In Jesus name, amen.

This post was featured today at Our Family For His Glory!  Take time to hop over and meet Jessica…a woman of God, wife and mother of six….SEVEN years and younger.  What a rockstar!  Thanks, Jess for the opportunity to share a piece of my heart with your readers!!  xoxo

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5 thoughts on “Authority, Crowns and Camo Hats

  1. Okay, are you really writing about you & Brent, or is this a metaphor for me & Charles? Guilty as charged! Thanks for your insight and gentle rebuke.

I means so much to hear from you!

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