Does your house ever sound like this?
“Get your feet off of me!”
“I had it first.”
“No, its my turn!”
“Get your feet off of me!”
“I wanted to sit beside dad.”
“I want one. Mom, he’s not sharing.”
“I was here first.”
“Get your feet off of me!”
Ugh. Doesn’t it drive you crazy?
I have tried everything from ignoring, intervening, referring, time-outing, separate room-ing, spanking, screaming, whispering, why me-ing, and locking myself in the bathroom-ing.
Jesus help me.
I have boys. Very. Competitive. Boys. If they can make something a competition, they will.
But I don’t think this is just a boy thing.
Its a kid thing.
And for some homes, it is a crippling problem.
Sibling rivalry opposes peace. And the Word is very clear that we are to live in peace with one another.
Strive for peace with everyone. Hebrews 12:14
Let the peace of God rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:15
Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God. Matthew 5:9
So as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:18
So what do we do about it?
Last week, the Lord took me to Romans 12 and God spoke directly into this issue of fighting and competition.
Get ready…this could be life-changing.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:9,10
In a home where three little boys are constantly trying to OUTDO one another, how’s this for a little Holy challenge?
An little honor competition.
The book, Say Goodbye to Whining Complaining and Bad Attitudes , by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, claims that “most parents recognize the value of teaching their children how to obey, but few teach their children how to honor.”
Honor: Treating people as special, doing more than what’s expected, and having a good attitude.
“Honor thinks of what would please someone else and gives more than is expected. It’s putting someone else’s needs above your own.” – Turansky
Honor is a taught trait. Thinking of other’s interests over our own is not a natural response.
The Word says, Do nothing from rivalry or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3,4
I sat the boys down the other night on the couch. Bible in my lap.
“Guys, I want to show you something fun. Now, mommy and daddy have said that the Crenshaw’s don’t fight each other. We are on the same team, right?”
“Well, Mommy found something extra special in the Bible. It’s a team challenge. Romans 12:10 says, ‘Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.'”
(We had to have a refresher on what showing honor means. Having a good attitude, doing more than what’s expected, seeing what needs to be done and doing it without being asked, encouraging others, and contributing to a loving atmosphere. – Miller)
“Who thinks they can outdo the other in showing honor?”
We had this conversation a few days ago. And the results has been precious.
This challenge struck something within them. It’s the power of God’s Word at work in my boys.
I am asking the Lord to heal my household of this fighting plague. I believe honor is the antidote.
“If you want your children to fly straight, teach them obedience. If you want them to fly high, teach them honor.” – Turansky
Yes, this is a wrestling belt 🙂
What are your thoughts?
Going to figure out how to share this with my boys! You know they are always trying to outdo each other!!! It is ALWAYS a battle for who is first, last, biggest, oldest, better, stronger, fastest….. I'll keep you posted!!!
After I heard you speak at Pep Moms I was so encouraged by what God spoke through you. I must admit you are precious, beautiful on the inside and out, but God reminded me not to look at or compare myself to you instead use the words He has given you to grow me. I love the scripture you used and this morning was perfect. I have two boys and I always find myself doing the -ing things you mentioned. I can't wait to pour into their little souls the information you just shared. This is so much better than always screaming "Stop, I've had enough". Anytime God is giving you a word on parenting, please share I'm sure it's something we can all apply in our lives as mothers.
Hi Becky,I am a friend of Monica Rogers. God is using your blog to grow and challenge me here in Columbus, Ohio. Thank you for sharing what God shows to you and for sharing insights like this one that relate to parenting. We have 3 children, a girl age 7 and two boys, ages 4 and almost 2. There is definitely some of this going on in our house and I see more of it in our future so this concept of out-honoring each other is AWESOME. Monica told me about you speaking at PEP Moms and she's going to share the recording with me. I'm excited to hear it. God is using you, Becky. Thank you for your obedience. Stephanie Pohler
Thanks for sharing! My little guy is struggling with the whole 'tough' thing. He has a dress-up "Armor of God" and we're totally into Bibleman. He always wants to play with his sister but a 1-year-old just can't sword fight like he would like her to. I'm trying to direct his focus more towards chivalry when it comes to her. I'll try this verse. God seems to have more pull than Mommy does! We'll see how it sinks in.
Just wanted to add that this is not just a boy thing! I have a boy and a girl and we have this a lot!! Love your approach, Becky- I'm definitely going to use it this week. One thing we do that goes along with this is if they call each other a name they have to say 10 nice things about the other one- this works great when they are not showing honor to each other!
HI Becky. I like your idea of an Honor Competition. That's a great idea. I think I'll share it with others at our seminars. We teach about this concept every weekend now. May God richly bless your family. –Scott Turansky
Good stuff! We've had the talk about Heb 12:14 & Rom 12:18, but we somehow missed Rom 12:10! We've been trying to make a point of speaking others' love languages, but I think we'll be having another family discussion about honor!
Once again I am learning so much from you! Thank you for your blog!
Thank you all for these great ideas and words of encouragement!! Greta! I think we are all getting together on the 24th for PepMom smallgroup girl time! I can't wait to see you. Thank you for your encouragment. You are such a beautiful person.Stephanie! Monica told me she had a few friends in Ohio reading! I am SO glad you commented! I love Monica! I am so thankful the Lord is able to use this crazy blog to bless you. Thank you so much for reading!Heather! I am LOVING the "say 10 sweet things" idea! It's hard to be mad at your brother when you are reflecting on all of his great qualities! Love it!!