Thursday night, I broke.
I melted down into a puddle of tears talking to Brent. My breakdown was quite unexpected, if I am being honest.
It wasn’t ONE thing that overwhelmed me to the point of crying, but just the chronic weight of all the things. And I snapped under the heaviness.
- Covid everything.
- Health concerns and precautions.
- Thinking through school and safety.
- The high probability of more online schooling.
- Wanting my boys to have a fun summer.
- Grieving that really they aren’t.
- Constant mom guilt.
- Wanting time for myself.
- Guilt that I want time for myself.
- Constant cooking and cleaning.
- Guilt that I am frustrated with cooking and cleaning.
- Wearing masks EVERYWHERE.
- Missing normal life.
- Missing my Mamaw.
- Missing my dad.
- Feeling so busy, but doing WHAT?
- Fear that summer is almost over and I MISSED IT.
- I could go on but you get the point…..
Y’all. I KNOW this season is temporary and I KNOW God is NOT surprised by Covid. I KNOW that He is always good, always on His throne and He wastes nothing. I KNOW THESE THINGS.
And I could make an EVEN LONGER list of many WONDERFUL quarantine bullet points – and I suppose I should.
But for today, I am acknowledging my heavy-hearted emotions and “pouring my heart out like water” before the Lord (and all of you wonderful people).
SO!… welcome to the “real time” version of Becky renewing her mind before the Lord and with His Word …. this blog serving as journal space for my morning quiet time.
Psalm 62:1-2 The Passion Translation
I stand silently to listen for the one I love,
waiting as long as it takes for the Lord to rescue me.
For God alone has become my Savior.
He alone is my safe place;
his wrap-around presence always protects me.
For he is my champion defender;
there’s no risk of failure with God.
So why would I let worry paralyze me,
even when troubles multiply around me?
If you are experiencing ANY of the emotions I have detailed above, I can’t encourage you enough to sit with Psalm 62. This really gives us detailed directives for our comfort and confidence to be restored. Take some time with me….
- First, sit silently today and listen. v.1
- This may take some time, but we are promised rescue v.1. And God is a promise keeper. Recall His Faithfulness in times past.
- In this waiting, let us remember that God ALONE is our safe place. He protects us. v.2.
- Think about the areas of life you are in a BATTLE. Thank Him that He is your “champion defender” in the fight. v.2
- Think about all the areas you are experiencing “failure” feelings. With God there is NO risk of failure. So those feelings are just that – feelings. He is your victory! We aren’t being graded on motherhood, marriage, friendship, etc. with Him.
Now let’s keep reading..
Psalm 62:7-8 The Passion Translation
God’s glory is all around me!
His wrap-around presence is all I need,
for the Lord is my Savior, my hero, and my life-giving strength.
Join me, everyone! Trust only in God every moment!
Tell him all your troubles and pour out your heart-longings to him.
Believe me when I tell you—he will help you!
- Close your eyes and envision the warmest and softest blanket imaginable. Or the one you pull out of a basket on colder mornings. That one. Use some imagery to picture God’s “wrap around presence” with you right now. His Glory is ALL around you even as you read this. Allow this truth to bring you great comfort and restore joy. v. 7
- Let’s turn now to gratitude. Thank Him – either out loud or in your heart – that he is your Lord. Your Savior. Your hero. Your life-giving strength. v.7
- Pour out your heart for a few minutes. “Tell him all your troubles and your heart-longings”. Nothing left unsaid. He can handle it. v.8
- Now, “believe me when I tell you – He will help you.” v.8
Leave it to King David to just mic drop on verse 8. We just have to TRUST HIM. Trust GOD with your sorrow and sadness. God helps us in a time of need (Psalm 46:1). He is near to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18). He keeps all your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8).
He doesn’t take our heavy-hearts lightly. He is your Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6). No charge to you. He paid that expensive fee with HIS LIFE so you could talk to Him freely today. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Deeply. (1 Peter 5:7)
Thank you all for allowing me space to process. I am already feeling better. Lighter. This is how we renew our minds daily! This is how we fight our battles!
I love you all.