My weekend feet hit the floor funky. Saturday morning 5:58. A bit late for my quiet time. The boys would soon wake and undo the silence.
My heart heavy without much reason or warning. I had a feeling of the type of day I was going to have.
I wrapped up in my bathrobe and brushed by teeth. Before heading down for my morning coffee rendezvous, I wondered what the scale might say. So I stepped up and asked.
It spoke a harsh word.
Sigh. An extra cup of coffee, please. Make it a stiff one.
I was right about the boys. Here they came, making true of the “Folgers In Your Cup” commercials. As soon as it brews, they rise and stretch. Brewing coffee = mama. And pancakes.
I tried. I really tried to have a quiet time. I opened my Bible and journal. Plugged my headphones into iTunes. But to no avail. Their needs and whines drowned out my worship.
So what does a mature woman of God do? She snatches up her Bible and coffee and stomps up the stairs.
“You all are up way too early. Mama needs Jesus. Give me thirty minutes. No one comes up here.”
Que: Door shuts hard.
Nice. Yep, she needs Jesus, alright.
It was barely 6:30 and I was already a mess. Beating myself up for neglecting and yelling at my kids, my lack of patience, waking up late, wanting desperately to have quiet and, uh, that darn scale.
I was a prisoner in my head. Held hostage by swarming lies. My thought life harsh and consuming. At this point, I am my biggest problem. I sat wrapped in a quilt, cuddling my coffee cup on the playroom couch. A dim lamp to my left.
Que: Open Jesus Calling.
LET ME CONTROL YOUR MIND. The mind is the most restless, unruly part of mankind. Long after you have learned the discipline of holding your tongue, your thoughts defy your will and set themselves up against Me. Man is the pinnacle of My creation, and the human mind is wondrously complex. I risked all by granting you freedom to think for yourself. This is god-like privilege, forever setting you apart from animals and robots. I made you in My image, precariously close to deity.
Though My blood has fully redeemed you, your mind is the last bastion of rebellion. Open yourself to My radiant Presence, letting My Light permeate your thinking. When My Spirit is controlling your mind, you are filled with Life and Peace.
Jesus Calling, alright. Loud and clear.
I am an abuser of this “God-like” privilege. Letting my mind loose around this dark and desolate world. Taking in all of its luxuries and empty provisions. Believing falsehoods and false hopes.
For to set the mind of the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6
“Life and Peace” are two Throne Room gifts. They come only from one place. Him.
And I go all over looking for them. Believing I will find them in a cup of coffee or a moment of silence. Thinking that a finicky and fluctuating scale may offer me hope. Dream on.
And while coffee and silence oftentimes accompany peace, they don’t provide it.
No. Abundant life and peace come in noise and chaos, too. They can even be found atop that finicky scale.
My job is to choose Him. Choose them.
So following my repentant heart back down the stairs, I say three “I’m sorry’s” to forgiving faces. And made them some pancakes.
It was quite risky….”granting me freedom” to think for myself. And I am so glad. If we couldn’t choose Him, we’d never see just how good He is compared to what the world has to offer.
So what’s a mama to do? She chooses Him. Over and over and over and over and over again.
She chooses to set her mind on the Spirit. And in return, she enjoys abundant life and peace. And every now and then, maybe a quiet cup of coffee.
O Becky, I am a bit late in reading tis- but I really needed it. This is where I struggle too. Andrea
Thanks, Andrea. xoxo
Seeet friend- I feel your struggle- I had a mind battle all weekend and as a result the worst chin breakout since high school! Thank you for being so transparent- it is how we will grow, by giving light to the enemies lies. I love you friend, Cynthia
Although I don't do the coffee, or THAT early – I really needed this! I've neglecting my quiet times (also hard to find) and can always tell that my day is much worse, and how I handle my day when I don't get that quiet prayer time! Thanks so much for sharing!
My biggest struggle throughout each summer is finding that alone time with Jesus. Unfortunately, I end up choosing sleep over Him a lot, then I only gets small bits of uninterrupted time with Him. And I end up an anxious mess come scan time (usually mid-summer). Like you, I have thought the coffee & silence would achieve the peace with Him, when I need to just set my mind on Him regardless of the noise around me.
Great post Becky!