Ramblings of a Prideful Woman

This summer began with goals of being a significant one.

My list was written early May. Spiritual, physical and relational goals for myself and my family.

However, when making my plans, I could have never dreamed just how significant this summer would be … in 1,000 unexpected ways.

The heart of man plans his ways, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 9:16

If my life was a roller coaster ride, this summer the wheels came off of the track.

Especially spiritually.

If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, maybe you’ve sensed it. Something different? Yeah, me too. I couldn’t put my finger on it for the longest time. It is still hazy to be quite honest, but this is what I know…

The Lord has brought me to a place of sober judgement.

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Romans 12:3

Sober Judgement (sōphroneō)- to put a moderate estimate upon one’s self, think of one’s self soberly

Magnifying mirrors are of great use. I have one in my bathroom. Quite handy for plucking eye brows. But if you are not use to looking at yourself in one, it can be quite alarming. Just when I think my complexion looks pretty good…. Ahem. Or wrinkles, I don’t have too many. Oh yeah? Look again.

This summer, the Word of God has taken a magnifying mirror to my soul. Embellishing every area of my life that is not fully surrendered to Christ.

Come to find out, my spiritual complexion was in need of Proactive. I was broken out all over.

So off I go to the Divine Dermatologist to diagnose. “Well, Becky for one, you have way to many attachments to that blog of yours. You need to release it for a while.”

What?

Release it. But its my baby. I love that blog. I have grown so much through it. And my readers. What about them? They check in and follow along. I can’t let them down.

“Release it.”

I’ll just back away a little. Not blog so much.

“No, release it. To clean up your blemishes, I need all of your morning. Even your blogging time.”

A few days later, I was online, probably blogging, when a storm blew in. And with it, I am not kidding, a lightening bolt struck near our house and took out our Internet. No lie.

“I said release it.”

Yes, Sir.

It is very difficult to articulate in written words what is communicated in the Spirit. But I’ll try.

First, I started a study. This one…

A Call To Die, by David Nasser. And that is exactly what I’ve been doing this summer.

Dying.

To my flesh. To my sin. And to any distractor that comes between me and my God. And by golly, He loves me so much, that if I wouldn’t give it up, He’d go ahead and take it.

This blog, as good as it has been, has become quite an identity for me. My strings became much too attached. So He snapped them for a while.

(Confessing now) I realized that numbers became way too important. Comments became quite an obsession. And the unspoken “blog competition”, even in Christian circles, became an issue for me. I wanted my blog to rank with some of the best.

Ugh. That was hard to type.

I heard one time to never become too consumed by the numbers of your followers. Jesus only had twelve. And one betrayed Him.

So. I am back. My Internet back up. And the Lord has refreshed my heart. I have come to realize that this blog can not – can not – can not take time away from my nose in His Word.

I need the Word of God like my body needs coffee. I mean water.

I need time in His presence. In my living room, on my knees, before Him. Singing praises to the Most High. O my goodness, ya’ll. I am so in love with Him.

That lightening bolt, and this Call to Die have been so good. So renewing.

Forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for not constantly viewing myself with sober judgement.

So back to blogging. The Lord back as the Commander in Chief.

I am just the hands that type.

31 Days of Praying for our Children will resume. I just had to let you know what was going on in my heart.

I am so thankful for you all. No sufficient words for that one.

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4 thoughts on “Ramblings of a Prideful Woman

  1. Ok, so I love you. Your heart and your words mean so much to me. What a witness you are for the love of Christ, with or without the blog! With or without 227 comments or just one. The Lord has obviously used you and this blog to reach so many. You are kind, loving and an inspiration (yea that is right)… so go on and get your blog on! Amen sister, have a happy weekend!

  2. thank you for sharing this Becky! I think we've honestly all felt this way and God has brought us back to keeping Him as our center! This is partly why I quit blogging on Humble Pie. Thank you for sharing your pure, honest love for our Father.

  3. Thanks for sharing this Becky. My summer has been totally unexpected too. Not what I had planned and I know God is right in the middle of it, just tough right now. Feeling like I am trying to figure out what He wants me to do, who I am, where and what I a need to focus on at this stage in my life. What do I need to let go of? He's always working, just whether we're cooperating or not…

  4. Are you sure you're not spying on my in my living room? Because Girl, I've been there so many times. It's almost shameful to think how many times I've revisited my own pride. To quote you…ugh. I adore you and He uses you to advise me in the strongest of ways! Thank you for being real but most importantly, thank you for being obedient. Love you!!!!

I means so much to hear from you!

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